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TwistedPerceptions
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Name: Reya
Country: United States
State: Oklahoma
Gender: Female
Interests: Errr... writing, running, swimming, kickin' back with my friends, listening to music, working, playing with my dog, horseback riding, driving a standard, working, watching movies, eating, screaming at stupid people.....
Expertise: Sarcasm. Making a scene. Being a dork. The evil death glare. Driving a standard (that's definitely an area of expertise, right? Right.) Being a friend. Being mediocre to sucky at pool. Arguing with my family. Cooking.
Occupation: Medical
Industry: Medical
Message: message me
AIM:  Fadedbattlescars
AIM:  WildWingedSpirit
Yahoo:  tha_kink
Member Since:
6/25/2003
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| Well it's been a long time since I've updated this. I'm still
working at QT, but it blows and I'm sick of it. I'm going to try
to get a job at one of the casino's, that way... even if the job blows,
at least I'll get decent pay for it.
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I just want to cry, but I think I'll scream first.
I doubt anyone cares, but I feel like ranting.
I've been hurting for 4 fucking days, and I don't mean hurting as in...
a little bit sore, or crampy or whatever. Nooo, I mean like... taking
hydrocodone to make some of the pain go away, kind of pain. Then today
I finally start bleeding, only the pain gets 5 times worse, so now...
moving is painful, and walking? Pfft, you can forget that idea. I got
light-headed walking to the kitchen to get water. I feel like a
fucking invalid. I doubt I'll sleep well, and I have to work at 7am.
Then I have two classes to go to. Yay.
You know, these are the times I want to be so totally fucked up that I don't even know what my own name is. That way I don't have to feel
this way, or worry about work, school, being sick, having surgery or
cancer, my relationships, my health, my family, my future or anything
else. I'm so sick of worrying, and of being sick. I just want to be healthy, and normal.
But that's never going to happen, and it makes me want to cry. It
makes me want to just give up on everything, to curl up under my
blankets and cry until everything ends. But I know no matter how much
I cry, or how much I hurt, it's not going to change anything.
Some times, I think I should just accept the fact that I'm never going
to live up to the standards I set for myself, and therefore I'm not
going to live up to anyone else's either. I set such high standards
that I know I'm going to fail... and then I don't try at all. The
crazy thing is that I think that I set such high standards on
purpose... because I have such a fear of failure that it's easier to
accept if I do it on purpose, as opposed to really putting my all into
it and then failing.
This probably didn't make any sense to anyone, but I don't care. It rarely makes any sense to me either.
I'm just fucked in the head, and I don't even know where to begin to fix it. | | |
| I'm sick again. I think it's the flu,
just like I had the week before christmas. ::sigh:: It
blows, but it'll go away eventually. The crazy thing is that even
though I'm sick, I've got the urge to chain-smoke like a motherfucker. It's killing me.
Working at QT,
while overrated, is still a pretty good job. I'm still going to
put in an application at Citgo, and see if they'll give me more money
and hopefully a manager's position. Cause we all know, that would
rock. I need a new car, and I need more $$$.
So. In less happy news, I had
to go to the doctor today to get a biopsy done, cause apparently some
abnormal cells showed up in my bloodwork and it could be cancer. Isn't that just great? I mean, it's not like I've been stressed out
of my mind the past month, but let's add some more stress on top of
it. I get the results back next week. I'll be smoking a lot
until then.
These are the times when I understand why people do drugs. Seriously. ::sigh::
I finally put up a profile picture
that's recent. So, I've got short hair now, and I still love
it. Mostly cause it's easy, and because it's cute. ::sniffles:: I'm going to go take a nap.
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| So. The holidays are over. I'm so very glad about that, but I did enjoy the time spent with Steve-O, although the rest of it was pretty much a waste of time and energy. I got a digital camera, so there's lots of pictures of my dogs, and my boyfriend too. He doesn't smile as much as Sadie does though....
So. I've been working at QT for like... two and a half months now. It's cool, and the pay's alright. Umm, but yeah... the scheduling blows (when they say they have scheduling flexibility it really means that they're really retarded and don't know how to make a schedule in the first place! : ) Lovely.) So, I'm thinking about working at Saint Francis... a job with good health benefits and set hours. Nice, huh? We'll see.
I cut all my hair off. Well, actually Lauren did. It looks really cute, and I love it. Everyone else loves it too. I swear.
I've been so stressed out lately that my left eye has been twitching all the time, and I can't sleep. I don't eat regularly either. And I'm mean to my boyfriend. And I want to smoke. Oh, and I have this new thing of just randomly crying for no apparent reason. It's odd.
I want to see Chronicles of Narnia. Now.
Oh, and Brothers Grimm cause it seemed like a really cool movie but dammit... I kept falling asleep.
Don't you just hate it when people are rude and mean for no apparent reason?
I know, me too. Feed them to the ducks.
HAIL DUCKS! HAIL DUCKS! HAIL DUCKS! | | |
| Today is the 19th. That means that Steve-o and I have been
together for 5 months. Isn't that awesome? I think it
is.
I'm working at Foley's and I start training for QT on monday. I
want to quit Foley's soooo bad, but I want money and I don't know if
QT's gonna work out, ya know? ::sigh::
I am SO ready for school to be done. Over with. Finished.
Guess what? Christmas is coming! I'd pretend to be
excited... but it's not worth it. I hate the fucking ''holiday
season.'' Bleh.
I want to move out so bad. I'm going insane. I need a good
job, with benefits... like QT. So I can move the fuck
out. Yeah.
It's cold as shit outside.
I wonder if my parents are going to get a divorce... or murder my brother. Or... do anything about him for that matter.
::sigh:: ::yawn:: ::stretch::
G'night.
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